Rejected...Again

Ive been applying for summer internships (Any takers? Anyone?) for the past few months and the rejection letters have started to flow in. Unfortunately they all pretty much look the same:

Hi XXXXX,

Thank you for your interest in XXXXXX and our internship program. We had an overwhelming number of applicants for the three positions, and I am sorry to say that you were not among the final candidates. Thank you for applying and good luck in the employment search.

Cheers,

XXX


If they are going to be informal, why not at least be creative with it. Or least give a good reason why I was rejected. Better yet how about sending something like this:

Dear Sir:

While updating our file of job applications, yours was folded into a paper airplane and was accidentally sailed out the window. Would you mind filling out the enclosed application and mailing it back to us in the shape of an airplane?

Sincerely, Personnel Department

Perhaps I need to contact them again to correct the situation. There is a anti-rejection letter flowing around the internet that would be perfect for this.

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely,
[your name]

It could be worse. At least I'm not Andy Warhol. Check out this doozy of a rejection letter he received for after sending some of his work to the freaking MUSEUM OF MODERN ART. (click image to enlarge)

Or I could be a woman applying to be an animator for Disney (Or perhaps Jewish)

This last rejection letter at least looks like its something I would be rejected for.

Does anyone want to give me a Summer internship yet?

Lightsabers exist?!?

Why didn't anyone tell me I could finally own a working lightsaber? Ok maybe not a true lightsaber, but this 1000 mW class IV laser was similar enough that Lucasfilms unsuccessfully stepped in with a cease and desist letter. At $300 its not exactly a bargain but its powerful enough to burn skin or hair as well as instantly blind a person. Awesome! I wonder if I could buy this thing and open up a tattoo removal clinic with it?

Epic Meal Time!

If you haven't heard of these guys yet, you soon will. Over the past few months Epic Meal Time has become one of YouTubes best new sensations. Hailing from Canada (Eh!), Harley Morenstein and his group of friends have created perhaps the worlds greatest concept for a cooking show. Taking some of the tastiest (and calorie dense) ingredients, and especially heavy on meats, they create some of the most calorie laden and delicious monstrosities ever imagined. Who else would think to create a 138,000 calorie burger or an 18,000 calorie booze heavy breakfast? They have been getting so much exposure lately there is even talks to adapt the show for network television. These guys are literally my current personal heroes for what they do with food. For those who know me, over the last 6 months or so Ive dropped around 70lbs of weight off my body. Although living a new lifestyle it is my personal goal to meet these guys this year, and let them ruin my progress. If anyone who reads this knows them or they somehow see this, get at me! Check out the video below and check out their YouTube channel for more tasty goodness. Also for more crazy food click here. Oh and stop hating...Haters!

Was this intended to be funny?

Why are black people so fast? You would be too if you spent the first 9 months of your life dodging a coat hanger... Apparently the worlds' most racist joke might have some truth to it. Recently in New York City a 4 story billboard was just erected depicting a black child and the tag line "The most dangerous place for African Americans is in the womb." It was put up by the group Life Always and based on the statistic that although African Americans make up 13% of the U.S. population, they account for 36% of all abortions. Screw you Life Always for ruining all my jokes with your boring statistics. Unless this was meant to be hilarious of course. In that case, thank you for brightening my day with your amazing billboards. Click the images below to enlarge them.Bonus Billboard!